As a little girl I dreamed about becoming an Oscar-winning actress. My dreams have changed slightly since then.
When I was young, I wanted to be an actress. I dreamed about being this young, beautiful starlet at the top of her game. Future Camden was so thin, graceful, and attractive. She accepted her Oscar with poise, humility, humor, and enthusiasm.
Somewhere along the way, my desire to become that version of Future Camden changed slightly. That happens as we grow older. We realize there may be unwanted things attached to our dreams. They aren’t as pretty as the dream. They are often things like sacrifices, challenges, and consequences.
Some of the biggest sacrifices, challenges, and consequences associated with my dream of becoming an actress was being in the spotlight. I’m not afraid of standing on a stage, smiling, and saying thank you with an Oscar in my hand. Although I would probably trip, fall, and laugh about it later, which is one of the reasons Jennifer Lawrence and I should be best buddies.
I am, however, fearful of the open ridicule and lack of privacy that celebrities willingly face. It seemed to me — as a child dreaming of acting on camera — that an actress who wanted to be at the top of her game needed a few things: a pretty face, rocking body, and willingness to take off her clothes. I wasn’t fond of those stipulations.
Now I ask myself: did Young Camden decide not to become an actress for fear of having to fit that mold? Did the path subconsciously change because I didn’t see enough diversity on the big screen? Are there any other folks feeling the same frustrations?
I’m reminded of a short video that was played at Alice Fest recently:
Watching the video again helped me realize a few important things. First, a lot has changed since I was a kid dreaming of becoming an actress and I’m thankful for it. Secondly, a lot of things have stayed the same. Thirdly, the future is looking pretty bright.
Yes, there are a lot of conversations about “women in film” and most of them use stats to paint a pretty bleak picture. But here’s the thing. That’s changing. The conversations are changing. The film scene is changing.
I, too, am changing.
I’m finding my voice as a filmmaker.
I’m doing really cool stuff like writing, producing, and directing whatever I want.
I’m not asking permission to tell the stories I want to tell. I have the privilege to simply go do it. I’m supported by people I respect while doing so.
That, my friends, is a real dream come true.